“Can touch hearts larger than a thimble…”

Is it too pathetic to say that I still think of you, 

to still wonder, still fantasize about what your doing right at this moment, think back at when you used to look at me with those eyes….those eyes of hope and love and exhileration….

to still want your touch and your hands on my skin, my head on your shoulder, or your lips on my breast…is it too far gone from where we were to say I still think these things….

to look for that nautical swirl by your collar bone, in the crest of your throat and know we were connected, to listen to old messages and hear the sweetness in your voice, the romantic notions you’d throw out and hope for, wish for, long for….

to not be lonely any longer, to be one of two and not all one, minus one L to spell the love we used to make. UGH….

Even now….even after everything we went through, i still have a tiny, flickering, match-sized flame of hope…that you’ll come around….falling out really does hurt more than falling in that hard concrete reality slams up against you as cold as a sidewalk….disoriented, you struggle to pick yourself up, a throbbing in your head and heart as you try to regain strength and focus….right now more content in watching the hot air escape my mouth than try to get up….

still hurts, still pain there, still longing….”i’m not over you yet”

Comment back on Comment on Energy

Turbines back in the day that were placed in the way of migratory patterns for birds were the ones that were harped on for killing birds…..that is easily corrected by not placing turbines in the way of paths frequented by birds….

There are plenty of places where solar is viable, especially in the midwest, the west and the south….I was referring to the South since the camp was held in Georgia and solar could be huge here! The issue would be of centrality though….we won’t be able to have “plants” in centralized locations like we do now with nuclear and coal….there would have to be a coordinated effort on the part of individuals to place panels on their houses, and then have small centralized spots for wind or solar farms/plants, etc. It takes a great deal of energy to move energy especially when we operate how we do today with only a few plants having to transport over regions to get customers power….this way it would be people taking the initiative to create their own power while also placing power on the grid for those who might not have the opportunity to do so themselves, it would take less energy if enough people jumped on to that…..

The lightbulbs are full of mercury, however they only use a 10th of the wattage of regular bulbs…and with the argument of the mercury that is emitted by plants by the pounds, they are both bad, one the lesser of two evils…however, like i was saying, it would have to be a hand in hand effort on all the parts of indivduals and industry to create the means of efficiency and of renewables for us to really move away from fossil fuels….

I am completely against nuclear as an alternative option. In addition to the question of storage when you get done with the waste, there is also a question of the mining practices to obtain the uranium to use for the nuclear power…the rocks that contain uranium, in high grade, only contain about .12%. A nuclear reactor requires about 300 tons of uranium per day to run….so imagine how much land is destroyed when you start to even mine for the material to obtain the energy…..plus, for it to even be considered for a reducer of C02 emissions, it has to be in operation for 8 years, after 10 years of construction…and with the amount of co2 emitted because of transportation of materials, construction, etc. it is just not an option….for the next sixty years there would have to be a 115 nuclear plants built every year to become a viable deterant for the climate crisis….scientists agree that we need to do something significant in the next 10-20 years….if you’dlike i can send you some material.

I understand completely about nothing being able to happen over night, but i preach an approach of efficiency…make the plants and etc. that we already have build as efficient as possible, begin to retrofit houses with energy saving technologies, make sure that buildings from now on are built LEED certified, etc. so we can use the money that would be invested in coal and nuclear, etc. can be put toward renewables….give the gov’t subsidies and tax breaks toward coal and nuclear to renewables and in the 10 years that we experience the population growth that is beign heralded as the need for these additional plants, we’ll have the advances in technology to make renewables as cheap as coal and nuclear are now!

I also did want to point out that don’t appreciate your reference to my age group as ‘kids’. Ma’am I am 22 years old. I am an adult that votes and is a very involved public citizen. I would appreciate if remarks such as those were to remain devoid of futher conversation.

But other than that, I appreciate your comment and would be more than happy to speak more about whatever concerns you have. I am not a guru, I just feel that what I know is right for what I know and am eager to learn more!

I hope this helped frame my perspective.

Youth Moving Forward against Dirty Energy!

At Energy Justice Georgia Summer Retreat  last weekend in Sandersville, youth from around the state came together to discuss and strategize how to approach dirty energy issues. In addition to the 850 MW coal-fired power plant proposed for Sandersville and the fight against Dynegy’s Plant Long Leaf in Blackley, youth also discussed EMC involvement with coal, the continued disregard of customer rights as members, and the false solution of nuclear as the discussion of the future of Georgia’s energy continues.  

Youth also took a tour of Plant Branch, Milledgeville’s coal-fired power plant, to discuss with Ga Power representatives the affect of coal burning on communities and issues that youth are concerned with as the proposal of Plant Washington still lies on the table. Discussing issues such as Mercury, CO2 emissions, the amount of coal used by this facility and it’s source being Mountain Top Removal sites, youth engaged Ga Power for two and a half hours on the need to move toward renewable energy solutions as the movement gains victories to push for a clean energy future. The Fulton County Superior Court Ruling last week against the EPD (Georgia’s branch of the Environmental Protection Agency) for failing to regulate CO2 emissions from plants such as Dynegy’s Long Leaf proposal is one such victory that illustrates how our collective efforts for energy justice are on the right track! Youth also engaged in listening projects within the community to identify concerns and connect with community members.

As the movement continues on all fronts to get big industry to seriously consider and implement renewable energy technologies such as wind and solar instead of proposing obsolete forms of energy production such as coal and nuclear, youth in the south recognize the uphill fight that we are all engaged in and are still pushing strong! 

No New Coal, No Nuclear, NO KIDDING!!

New friends, old friends…friends I haven’t seen in forever. I am now realizing the love I really have for these people, and the complete gratefulness I have for how they have helped me grow, as we all grew together. I never really knew that kind of relationship, and what it truely meant until now. I had taken it for granted, but now I know, and love that people who are beautiful, wonderful, unique people love me back. I have friends!  

smlove?

it’s been a long time since i’ve thought about love how i used to envelop the word….the clothing i used to dress it in…and now thinking about that time, not extremely long ago…i feel tired and immediately, “GOD! That again?!” which immediately makes me feel disappointed that, at least in the emotional, I have become somewhat deadened. 

I am not an old, broken soul, sitting at the bar with all my jewlrey, smeared lipstick in a familiar oval around a mouth reeking of whiskey, talking to the peanut bowl in front of me about reminesces that are as empty as the breath it takes to speak about them….just words, trails of speech to fill time as i sit alone. 

i feel slightly hopeful toward one, that if we were to be completely honest, perhaps we could realize we could be happy…but i see him barely strung to this heart, and gradually pulling away, i can’t blame him for a change…still feels shitty to be disposable, especially when you still..to the very last second, hope, hope even though it hurts, that something crazy and romantic could happen that you didn’t expect but were wishing more than anything else…but knowing with all logic and experience that that will not, at least not with this one…and you’ve grown so fond of him though, little mannerisms or looks, endearing and sweet, but salt and pepper action only makes making sweet on each other confusing and wrenched in uncertainty because of the rarity in which such takes place…i feel like i know you and not at all at the same time…

love seems to give me a hard time, and i do think it humerous the often distracting touches it makes to my face with one hand, and in complete indulgance, i let it take me…just as it’s other hand is making a fist and getting ready to punch me in the gut! not all of which is drenched in complete blame for why….. i hadn’t made great decisions as of late…i am at fault. course we all make our own love, it’s not a ominous flow that tends to match-make people on a whim, like cupid’s arrow haphazardly flitting through the air, oblivious to whom it may penetrate, and to whom that person may glace towards, instant love…or maybe? who knows…not i at the moment, i can only look down at my wrist for the quiet truth etched into my skin…’love is real’….was it and now my quota has been reached, better get out the pearls now and get ready for the bar….or was it not and i need to just stop analyzing it, for it to stab me from behind, one of those renegade arrows? 

perhaps it’s just 2:40 a.m. and i’m overtired….thanks for reading. 

goodnight. 

the ‘reminder’ line keeps telling me the benefits of having an ‘about me’ post….i just always thought those requests were interesting….sum up your entire entity and being in 3 sentences, or one page…or ‘illustrate the complexity we assume you don’t have by telling us about you in a paragraph’. 

isn’t getting to read this weblog: a direct conduit into my very mind, soul, perception, heart, being…illustration enough? 

i would assume….

go for a walk!

Get out there! What are you doing reading this post….GO OUTSIDE! 

I have just realized the power in my own body and I feel great! I have moved to a new town, just maybe got a really kick ass job at a coffee shop that a lot of really cool people work at….so new people to meet and get to know (which is exciting) and doing work that I really enjoy, it really fulfills me…..and it’s all been me! And all by myself! 

Maybe you don’t really realize the importance about, even taking a small step, like the ones I have just taken..but to have made my way like this….to have it in my head that this is what I wanted to do and everything is falling in place for me…..

kinda like i’m walking in this open space, and i have little concrete squares behind me, illustrating the paths and past that I am walking away from…as we all as we move through each day….and there is no little squares in front of me…it’s just space….and before I make my next step, before i put all my weight into my foot, i am hoping there is a little square concrete piece for me to step upon, but i have no idea that it is there…and then right when i think that it’s not and i am going to fall into nothingness, into a vast unknown of uncertainty..there is my step, it had appeared just in time….and i continue my way..

this i think is how each of us move…we have an idea of what our future will hold, short or long term, and we can hope that steps that we will take will lead us to what we (at the present) feel we need to be taking to reach that ‘future’ or goal….but we really have no idea from the day to day, minute to minute, who we are going to meet, what we are going to encounter or say or how this may play into the future we are wanting…

i can just be happy that whatever i’ve been doing, however i’ve been doing it, is for me and me alone and that is transposing itself into a path for the job, house, life that i now want to have in Milledgeville…but that it’s happening and I’m doing it all myself, not living for other people, not being influenced by parents or friends or etc…just me and getting out there…..

wow…i’m really happy! i am living and appreciating that life. nothing really except how i am going to pay my phone bill is worrying me, but even then, i know that i will get it paid and do what it takes, but now that ‘way’ might be the really unique coffee shop that i have been hoping to work at, and that makes that phone bill getting paid really satisfying. 

so please, my friend, don’t hold yourself back like i have been doing for far, far too long…just get out there…walk down a street you haven’t before….go to a bar that you’ve not been in and sit by yourself…have a drink on you, and just relax…don’t worry about how you look or worry about being alone, revel in the idea that right now, you are all about you and that is all you need. it’s a good feeling, i recommend you try it. 

thanks for taking some time. have a wonderful afternoon! 

blah!

So never eat noodles that have been sittin in your fridge for two days….one would think that they would still be ’safe’…but i warn you…..

i made them up with some butter in a frying pan and some cheese…and four hours later, i threw them all up and was left feeling like shit through the night and late this morning. not fun. 

today seems the same old stuff…almost…same old for the recent changes…woke up, started to do work…have been doing work…trying to get as many people as possible to this camp…i think it was in this book sometime i read, “organizing is 90% follow up” and it’s so true! heh. 

I still feel kinda weird writing here, but I don’t really have a social life at the moment, with local friends, so i am now filling my time with this. Still trying to find an apartment that won’t cost an arm AND a leg…two very necessary and useful limbs….who would have thought that such a small town would be such an expensive place to live….this isn’t atlanta, its milledgeville! heh. 

I keep seeing that same dude all over the place..jessie…it’s so weird, it’s like i can’t go anywhere in this town…but then again it’s such a small town…perhaps that is why. i’m too paranoid. 

time seems to go by so fast. it’s already the tail end of june! 

if you are in the georgia area, and want to come be a part of a kickass camp, just register at www.climateaction.net/georgiaejs…it is going to be really fun! 

i know no one is reading this blog. heh. 

 

weblog’s:

The equivalent of your crush in school finding the note you wrote earlier, gushing with no hesitance, how you absolutely are in love with him…and knowing he would find it….

 

i guess that’s what these things are all about, right? every thought and feeling i have, put out in cyber space for all to read….is this not a vanity? 

 

no clue.  

 

Welcome to my head. heh.